awakenings

2010, has it been 100 years yet?

.....I'm 5 again for a moment, caught between my mother and my father;

    I'm not sure who I want to love me more,

    I'm fighting for both, or so I think,

    I'm hoping my family will hold together forever,

    Already, I'm seeing the cracks in the layers of my life....

    I'm 10 again for a moment, caught between my family and school,

    I'm leaving far, very far, across oceans and oceans,

    I will not see them again for months to come,

    I want to do my best, but I'm afraid to leave,

    All I want to do is to be a child again; must I grow up now?

    I'm 15 again for a moment, caught between homework and his smile,

    I know I've caught his heart, but I'm not sure how to keep it,

    I'm afriad he'll see me as awkward as I feel, clumsy in my Mary Janes,

    I wish he sees me as a Fairy Princess, but I look in the mirror and I see me,

    Another girl, another Dancer on the Wings of a Dragon, just me.

    I'm 20 again for a moment, caught between freedom and college jokes,

    I'm not sure where I'm going; grown-up life is not what I imagined it to be,

    I know what I'd like to be, I know the woman I aspire to be,

    I'm doubtful that I'll become that woman one day, my own vulnerability  

    raw,

    Alive and Dying, Hoping and Working, Young and Old.

    I'm 25 again for a moment, caught between my wedding ring and the open

    door,

    I thought I was doing the right thing; so why am I so tired all of a sudden?

    I'm not sure I'll live to see my 30's; I'm not sure I want to get serious,

    I never knew that love would cost me so much; the shards in my heart rip

    my breath to ice pieces,

    Arms around him, my tears run a river of diamonds that float me away in

    pain.

    I'm 30 again for a moment, caught between my motherhood and my

    words,

   I'm stronger than I ever was, I'm stronger than I ever imagined that I could

   ever be,

   I think that life is something of a gift; a treasure that is too precious to be

   held in my fingers,

   I'm in awe of the beauty and wonder of each separate moment of my vision,

   At home finally in my own skin; I have learned to come home to me.

   Time flies, before you know it 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, they come and go,

   Before you know it, you're supposed to be old and wise,

   but you know you're just as Green and Gold as you always were,

   Time to make choices, time to choose the battles to fight,

   No more throwing yourself into every rushing rapid that overwhelms you,

   Time to be good, time to ground beneath my feet,

   No more drifting into the sun, dreaming hours into the moon above.

  Time to lose yourself, time to be the Morning Star,

  Time to be just who you always thought you'd be, but never thought you'd

  get here,

  In the blink of an eye, you're already here.

  I'm a child again for a moment, caught between now and then,

  I miss my Daddy's arms, I'd like to shut my eyes and cry for a while,

  I'd like to run outside under the rain, jump into the puddles,

  I raise my arms, the winds rise me into the flight of birds,

  And then I'm here, and I know....